I turn 41 in a few days and the process of self-reflection always gets amplified during this time of the year for me. This year it seems to have gone into overdrive due to the following facts:

  1. I’ve come to an epiphany regarding my unwillingness to put forth effort because I tend to believe that very little is worth the required effort.
  2. In our Veritas Fellowship meetings, we’ve been discussing spiritual disciplines (of which I have little) and it reminds me of my own unwillingness to put forth the required effort.
  3. I went to the Transforming Culture Symposium and discovered that I have been squandering the gifts God has given me due to my unwillingness to put forth the required effort.
  4. At my job, I’ve taken on a whole new set of responsibilities that is simply dizzying in scope and will require large volumes of reading and learning which further amplifies (you guessed it) my unwillingness to put the forth the required effort.

This amplification of my greatest weakness and most visible attribute (to me) of my human frailty is great fodder for self-introspection, self-reflection, and the more than occasional moment of self-flagellation. Couple this with a birthday in your 40s and your psyche can go to great lengths to destroy you if you let it.

In tonight’s meeting, God led me to share some specific facts that I now write to remind myself and, hopefully, to encourage you few readers…

  1. The struggle we face as Christians in trials and constant reminders of our frailty is actually, truly, a sign of God’s amazing love and grace. He could choose to leave us in blissful ignorance, but our life would be devoid of meaning because we would never draw any nearer to Him. In fact, when you look at Romans 1:24-25, you see that God giving us over to our passions is actually a bad thing.
  2. God does not reveal our sin to us to make us miserable. He reveals our sin to us so that we can change. This is, after all, an echo of the full story of redemption. God brought the Law to reveal sin and, therefore, reveal our desperate need for Him (Romans 7:4-8). He brought that revelation to fulfillment in the person of Jesus Christ, God made flesh, to redeem us from our sin. We, who were unable and unworthy, have been cleansed and made worthy through the fellowship of His sufferings and the power of His resurrection.
  3. We will continue to make missteps throughout our lives. John Owen in his amazing work, The Mortification of Sin in Believers, reminds us that we will never be free of sin this side of Glory. Rather than allow sin to destroy our lives, we can rely upon the power of the Spirit to allow God to draw us ever closer and conform us ever more into the image of His Son. The mystery of how our effort is coupled with the work of the Spirit is exactly that – a mystery. We just have to know (because it’s clear in Scripture) that both are at work. We must make the effort and rely on the Spirit at the same time because our effort cannot save us, but we cannot sit idly (Phil 2:12-13 – note that this passage beautifully commands us to work while explaining that it’s God who works).

What does this mean for today and tomorrow and the days that follow? My penchant for laziness notwithstanding, I’ve decided to make a list of commitments and resolutions… in bite-size chunks, mind you. I know the fastest way to failure is to bite off more than you could ever chew.

  • I resolve to make time each day to do one of the following (uninterrupted):
    • Pray for 15 minutes
    • Read the Bible for 15 minutes
    • Meditate on a passage of scripture for 15 minutes
      (yes, I should do all of these each day… baby steps)
  • I resolve to spend at least 30 minutes per week working on improving my ability to play guitar by actually practicing mechanics like scales and finger picking exercises
  • I resolve to spend at least 30 minutes per week reading a literary classic to have a better understanding of what it means to write something that lasts
  • I resolve to spend at least 1 hours per month planning and writing something that is more than a blog entry (one that takes planning) like a story or research paper or article that I can share here and with my friends (no promises on when it will actually be done)
  • I resolve to spend at least 3 hours per week educating myself for my job (yes, this is a greater amount of time as it is something that affects everyone in my family – I have a commitment to provide and that takes staying current and improving at the career God has selected for me)

Adding all of that up and we’re talking about 5 hours per week (not including the daily quiet time) – honestly – this is not much time. What will it take? Removing a lot of useless entertainment (which, frankly, has not been that entertaining lately). I’ll still be able to watch the occasional television program or movie… I’ll just have to reduce it.

Now… I’ve committed this to print and it scares me as I know that some of you will say… so, how’s that going. Or, worse, some of you might look at this and say, “Geez, his priorities are totally out of wack!” If you have something to say or a word of wisdom (or criticism) to share with me… I truly invite you to comment and let me know your thoughts. I’d honestly love to hear them.