There are many schools of thought regarding children within a worship service. Is it appropriate? What are they really getting out of the service? A very good friend asked me my thoughts on this a while back. Off and on, our youngest daughter struggles during the worship time and it brought these thoughts back to me. So, fairly unedited – here is my view (just mine – not meant to be prescriptive):

Before answering, I must echo CJ Mahaney in that what I’m about to say are specific practices that God has impressed upon me for my family. I believe this is a choice given to parents where they are to be led by the Spirit within the constraints of scripture.

  1. 1. The corporate gathering is a communal celebration of the Savior. While there should be grace for parents who have a particular need to have their children outside of the corporate gathering, it really shouldn’t be an expectation that all children leave the gathering. I believe we teach them that they don’t belong to the church until they reach a certain age.
  2. 2. Family togetherness question (if one of us has to take the child outside the service – can we really say we’re worshiping as a family): we tend to have an idealized view of what family togetherness is and how a child interprets that, in my opinion. The family goes together, if a child needs to be excused from the gathering, that child is still with their parent. Also, as the child grows, they tend to be able to stay in the service longer. I believe this is a grace God gives to parents as they train their children to respect the gathering of believers as a sacred time. The child will still grow up seeing this as a family event – I don’t think that would be the case if they were ushered off to children’s church.
  3. 3. The primary goal of the gathering isn’t to fulfill individual needs and desires. I believe “age-appropriate” ministry tends to foster a “what’s in it for me” mentality in children. We do not know at which age our children will “get” what the pastor is saying or why we’re there. But unless they’re actually there – we won’t see it when it happens nor can we assist them if they’re “close”.
  4. 4. And, as a youth pastor, I discovered a disturbing trend in teenagers. Church was boring and they really did not like being there and they really did not want to hear the sermon, they primarily wanted to spend time with their friends. Some would say that teenagers would do this regardless, but my experience has not borne this out. Students who were used to being in service had a markedly different attitude towards it – it was natural for them to be there.
  5. 5. Should parent’s wait until a child is 4 or older? Most of what I’ve said to this point doesn’t seem to contradict the “4 or older” concept. However, my experience is that Zoë has bonded with us through being in the gathering. If we leave them in children’s church until 4, I am concerned that we’re teaching them that church is more about seeing their friends than it is about corporate worship. As I know you’re aware – 4 year olds are incredibly astute. My daughter would have viewed having to suddenly stop seeing her friends at 4 years old during the service as some sort of punishment.

There you have it – as “in a nutshell” as you can get it. I’m not opposed to children’s classes per se, I’m just opposed to the expectation that children should not attend the “main” service with their parents. So, please, no comments jumping at me for judging parents that allow their children to attend children’s services and reread my introductory paragraph… this article is posted for those folks (like my friend) who may be trying to justify having their children worship with them, but they just aren’t sure if it’s the “right thing to do”.